Dear QWC:
This post is difficult to write because I’m embarrassed to admit what I’m feeling, and my thoughts may be getting the best of me. I’ve worked for 12 years in a department of 10 employees and I’m pleased to say that we all are competent professionals who work very well together.

Recently, our long-time manager was transferred to a new position out-of-state. The manager job was posted and I applied for the position, as did another colleague in my department. I really believed I had the right experience, skills and personality for the job.After several interviews with Northrop Grumman staff both inside and outside our department, my colleague was selected for the position. I must say, even though he hasn’t been with Northrop Grumman as long as I have, he is also qualified for the manager’s position and it turns out he had prior management experience with another company. Still I can’t help but feel angry, disappointed, even jealous the job wasn’t offered to me. It’s starting to interfere with my day-to-day interactions with him, although I’m trying very hard to be calm and professional. I like my job, I want to stay in my department and I just can’t seem to control these feelings. What can I do?
Not Chosen

Dear Not Chosen:
It is perfectly understandable for you to experience all the feelings you describe. Not being selected for job you want is a rejection, and no matter your age, experience or position in life, it still stings. As the wise Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Losing out on a promotion you wanted isn't the end of the world. It's not the end of your career either. Successful people learn to use rejection as a learning experience. So, if you don't get that job you wanted:

• Don't let the experience immobilize you.
• Take time to process your feelings, preferably with someone outside of the organization. The Northrop Grumman EAP (see below) is an excellent resource to discuss the situation confidentially, with a trained therapist who is not affiliated with Northrop Grumman.

What's important is to learn from the experience and in the process, take the initiative to become more resilient, confident and self-directed.

You can contact the Northrop Grumman’s EAP 24/7 at 1-800-982-8161 for free confidential telephone or face-to-face counseling sessions (up to 8 visits). Don’t wait – call now and schedule an appointment so you can deal with this head-on and work through your feelings in a healthy and constructive way.